The holiday season can be challenging on a variety of levels. Flexibility is the key to establishing harmony. The following is an excerpt from my latest international bestselling book, TREASURES OF HEAVEN: LESSONS FROM THE OTHER SIDE, on this very topic!

“We stretch our physical muscles, so why not stretch our mental, emotional and spiritual muscles as well? We need flexibility in ALL aspects of life, because life is filled with unexpected twists and turns. Either we bend, or we get stuck, physically AND spiritually!

How receptive are YOU to change?

How responsive are YOU to new ideas?

Do your beliefs separate you from others?

A surefire way to experience loneliness is to believe your way is the only way, and insisting others agree with you. Forcing your position on others causes immediate disconnection, and is an absolute waste of energy. Feeling threatened or angry when your beliefs are questioned means you value being right over being happy. Living inflexibly, always on the defensive, is simply no fun! And, it’s certainly no fun for the people around you! Insisting on having your own way sets you on the fast-track to unhappiness. Rigid thoughts or beliefs lead to power struggles and ultimately to separation. Insisting on “shoulds” and “musts” leads directly to endless disappointment and disconnection.

We all have moments when we feel the need to be right, to have our own way. But happiness stems from connection. Connections form when we find common ground and acknowledge each others’ worthiness. Relinquish the need to control, and find that harmony feels much better than friction. Please examine yourself for any rigid characteristics that might impede YOUR growth and expansion. (Be sure to put on your self-compassion hat while doing this exercise!)

Examples of rigidity (lack of flexibility) include:

An insatiable need to be right (which masks a deep fear of being wrong.)

A tendency to expect others to “see it your way.”

An inability to say, “I don’t know,” or “I was wrong.”

Feeling threatened when new ideas come from others.

Fear new information that unsettles existing beliefs.

Fear of letting go, of not being in control of self at all times.

Preoccupation with the approval of others.

The need to be seen as tough, powerful and strong.

Pride in always being rational and logical.

Being uncomfortable expressing emotions or sensitive feelings.

Experiencing shame and fear when feeling vulnerable or insecure.

Severe discomfort about having bad feelings.

A strong belief that those who disagree with you are wrong.

A tendency to use anger, withdrawal or blame to settle arguments.

Ask yourself: “Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?”

The conscious choice to tear down your walls will lead to the intimacy and connection you desire and deserve. With greater openness and flexibility, life becomes much more exciting. Choices, alternatives and adventures multiply! Deep down, what we most desire is to be loved. We want to feel safe, to be heard and understood.

Open your heart, mind and spirit to new concepts and fresh ideas and begin vibrant living! Be progressive instead of regressive. Resisting change multiplies the levels of stress and increases the problems in your path. Remain flexible (even in the midst of significant change or chaos)to achieve your full potential. Doors will open, and opportunities appear because you will be at peace with yourself.

Flexibility means changing course when opportunities to learn and grow appear. See challenges as learning tools, opportunities to become stronger, wiser versions of ourselves. Most importantly, flexibility is preparing for and embracing change instead of fearing it. The more flexible and balanced you are, the less likely you are to over-react to situations in your life. This means being open-minded and fluid, not stiff necked and obstinate. The cure for the latter? Listen. Remain grounded. Be open. Allow growth. The alternative is to be stubborn, closed-minded and imbalanced, consistently fueling conflict. Which sounds better? Why not choose flexibility and lead by example?

It’s application time! Spiritual Stretching: My Flexibility Checklist.

Read the questions and write any insights you have gained. The goal is to empower yourself to focus on creating new, more fulfilling experiences by adopting a more flexible attitude and outlook:

• Is my body tense? Tension mirrors a rigid belief, outlook or behavior pattern. Breathe deeply, be compassionate with yourself, and journal your answers. Which aspects of your life need more flexibility?
• Do I have any unbending rules in your life and relationships? If so, what are they? Are they creating the life and relationships you desire? Challenge yourself to notice these rigidities. Would it help to dump these rules and go with the flow instead?
• Am I open to making behavioral adjustments to learn and grow? Contemplate the cost of remaining resistant and inflexible. Think of the limits you place on your growth.
• Am I defined by certain moods? If so, respond in a different way. Detach yourself from the heaviness of these moods and choose an alternative emotional state such as compassion.
• Am I agenda driven? Do I feel the need to persuade others to believe as I do, regardless of the stress I create between myself and others?
• Am I willing to embrace new experiences and ideas outside my psychological and cultural comfort zones? If not, challenge yourself to expand! No one can keep you in a box but you.
• Am I a creature of habit, finding it hard to shift my rigid expectations? If so, choose new and different ways of doing things to liberate yourself and those around you. Go with the flow a little more.

Unconscious patterns of rigid behavior stand in the way of our happiness! Bring them to the surface, and discard them! Inflexibility fuels frustration with ourselves and others. It creates tension and stress in our relationships. The pressure of struggling to new situations can be wake up calls. These moments are invitations to stretch beyond our comfort zones and expand our hearts, minds and spirits to allow for grace and harmony.

Every challenging person and situation is a teacher, offering divinely designed opportunities for growth, understanding, compassion, and healing. When we approach life in this manner, without resisting these circumstances and individuals, life takes on a broader, more expansive meaning. When we view our challenges as beautiful hidden jewels , we become all the wealthier.

Stretch your mental, emotional and spiritual muscles today and notice how laughter, joy, and love flow into your life with greater ease. Your inspired ways will generate a delightful ripple effect. This is the greatest gift you can give yourself or your loved ones.”

With infinite love and gratitude,
Cari